Thursday, July 15, 2010

We Like Dog Days Around Here

Maybe it's because it's so cold here for much of the rest of the year that I love July and August in North Idaho. Hot weather is a thing to treasure around here  -- at least until we finally get sick of it. I don't know why they call it "Dog Days," unless it refers to just wanting to lay around in the shade and pant a lot. I like hot weather, as long as I can get to some water. Here's Bric and his mom, Sadie, playing in the sprinkler yesterday. They were deliriously happy doggies. It can get stinking hot here, however. On the day of my son's wedding, for example, when I was hosting the reception for 150 people in my yard, it was 105 degrees; I kid you not. I just wanted everyone to go away so I could lay in the shade and pant. I sweat a lot more on my face now that I'm in my dotage. It seems to just pour off of me from my hairline. I have to wear a bandanna around my forehead to soak up the sweat or it runs into my eyes, which really smarts. Then it pools up in my crow's feet, which is so not cute.
But alas, my cute days are behind me, I'm afraid. However, my granddaughter just keeps getting more adorable every day, in my possibly slanted but actually quite accurate opinion. She is also a little ham; I shot this quick picture of her yesterday with no set up or preparation after she'd been swimming.  She's six going on 16, I'm afraid. Lately, Lady Gaga has replaced Miley Cyrus as her current favorite girl singer. I was not even sure who Lady Gaga is, then when I did see her on TV, I wondered if she's a drag queen. You never know these days. For now, it's lovely to just be able to sit back, be a grandma and admire my beautiful granddaugther. I don't have to fret about her future. I might not even be here when she's 16, but even if I am, I'll still just be her Nana. Translation: I don't do discipline anymore. I am, on the other hand, chocked-full of sage advice on an unlimited number of topics, should she ever need any. Anna's going to be a knock-out in another decade, though, that much seems fairly obvious. We all take credit. Every female relative she's got, including me, looks at Anna and thinks, "She's so pretty .. wow, she's a mini me!"

Saturday, July 3, 2010

Happy Independence Day

I shot this scene several years ago on a farm just outside of Canby, Oregon. It was during the first President George Bush's mercifully brief but largely ineffective Gulf War. I can't even remember what the catch phrase for that one was, but I think it was Desert Storm.

I've always wondered if this farming family had someone away on active duty back then. It was after the days of displaying gold stars in your window and prior to tying yellow-ribbons on your mailbox to signify a family member was away in wartime service.

I come from a veteran-proud family, dating all the way back to the Civil War.  My deepest respect goes to my grandpa, who served as a foot soldier in the American Expeditionary Force of WWI in the trenches of France.

One night in the Argonne Forest in September of 1918, he failed to hear the warning whistle and did not wake up in time to get on his gas mask quickly enough as an insidious, creeping cloud of low-lying chlorine gas wafted over him. He kept a tiny diary that describes it.

All was not quiet yet on the Western Front when my grandpa was there by any means. I have a brass table lamp he made out of an artillery shell from the war. It's one of my treasures now, but what a depressing daily reminder that must have been for him.

The "war to end all wars" finally did come to an end at 11 A.M. on 11/11 of that year. My grandpa served fewer than six months "Over There," but the debilitating effects of that time on his life would be forever felt by my family.

He suffered terribly from "shell shock," which we now might call a severe case of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PSTD). I can remember my dad saying that whenever a car backfired, my grandpa would dive under a table.

Poor guy. I never knew him outside of the V.A. hospital in New York where he spent the final 38 years of his life confined to a psych ward, described in medical records as "psychotic" and "totally incompetent."

I wonder how he felt about 4th of July fireworks? Probably was not a big fan. Neither am I. 

Combat vets who've survived vicious, incredibly loud exploding barrages of big-gun shelling must find traditional night-time Independence Day fireworks extravaganzas as something to endure, not enjoy. Who'd want to relive that kind of hellish terror?

Hopefully, since my generation of combat veterans came along from the Vietnam War, who generally brooked no bullshit about anything, the myth that bloody battlefield combat is anything to be glorified might have begun to be dispelled.

Francis Scott Key's soaring national anthem about "bombs bursting in air" is an example of how brutal warfare was propagandized as being an attractive thing for young men to do in past centuries. After all, if they'd known the truth, who'd have signed up to go?

I once read that prior to WWII, among the plethora of horrific sounds that assaulted their ears during raging battles, the thing that veterans hated hearing the most were the terrified screams of hundreds of horses and mules being injured and killed.  I'd have to say that would have bothered me quite a bit, too.

Thank God we don't also have a national tradition of people in pairs running around in horse suits making awful horse-screaming sounds and then falling down in fake agony to look forward to this weekend, along with the bursting-bomb instant-replay effects. .

The whole idea of setting off a bunch of highly explosive materials in July, in the dark, has always struck me as a bit insane for several reasons. Around here,  it's often tinder-dry at this time of year. There have been a few spectacular, undesired side effects due to a little town's over-zealous efforts to put on a huge firework display. This year it's fairly green yet, so hopefully firefighters can relax a bit.

The 4th of July certainly ranks No. 1 as the most-despised day of the year for my German Shepherd dogs, who always shiver and pant underfoot all evening during fireworks. Despite their formidable reputation as a breed favored for military service, my three would have never made it as Dogs of War.

Perhaps early conditioning is the key, but I was always too preoccupied with teaching strict housebreaking and no-chewing rules to think of also exposing them to loud bangs. Seems kind of counterproductive anyway, since the only loud bangs my puppies ever heard were of a disciplinary nature. It was the sound of the things I threw at them hitting the wall behind their heads when I caught them squatting to pee in the living room.

Phooey on fireworks? Were I still writing this as a newspaper column, I could expect some letters to the editor in a few days decrying my anti-fireworks stance as un-American.

Baloney. I simply think that recreating battlefield sounds and sights of deadly nighttime bombing attacks is cruelly insensitive to the nerves of combat vets, very troubling to the well-being of dogs, a huge fire hazard and frankly, just a stupid way to celebrate Independence Day. It's left over from a bygone era. Let it go, people!

I mean, how many times can you say in unison with a crowd of other people laying on their backs in the dark on blankets in a football field, "Ewwww," followed by, "Ahhhh"? It gets old pretty fast -- or maybe it's just me that's getting old.

At any rate, I'll bet my grandpa would have agreed.
For Brother Steve - Semper Fi

Friday, June 18, 2010

High-Water Dawn: Symbol of Hope


 "There has been a tremendous renaissance in nature study in recent years; it has been called a form of escapism, and perhaps it is in a way, but not an escape from reality; but rather, a return to reality; a flight from unreal things." -- Roger Tory Peterson

This is great quote recently left in my comments by my esteemed fellow blogger, Troutbirder (http://baron-troutbirder.blogspot.com/). We seem to have little in common except a love of German Shepherds, but he's a hero of mine.

Troutbirder was the very-first non-family person to leave me a comment when I began blogging. I started writing "Between the Lines" to help get myself through the lowest point in my life. By clicking on the link to Troutbirder's blog, I then found some of his favorites. Thus I was delivered from blogging in the darkness of cyberisolation into the light of this good man's circle of many fine blogging friends.

The ongoing support of the blogging community has been very helpful to me since I lost my husband and my mom. The fact that some of my "followers" are from foreign countries blows my mind. Wow, I'm global!

So thanks again, Troutbirder, and thanks for the quote you sent recently, which I posted above. I've no clue who Roger Tory Peterson is, but I think he hits the nail on the head quite squarely here.

As I've grappled to come to terms with my life after it was turned upside down and shaken hard a year ago, it's been my intimate encounters with Nature that have lifted my spirits more than anything. Luckily, I live where Nature at her finest is right outside my door.

The river below my house is currently putting on its annual dramatic display of incredible strength. Although it's controlled by a dam just upriver from me, the river is hauling ass right now, flowing by me at what looks like 100 mph.

It's high water. I love to listen to the river's low roar; it lightens into chattering rapids during the rest of the year. I find it amazing to watch the river flex its rippling muscles, fueled by melting snow from nearby mountains known as "spring run-off."

Seeing the sun come up is another scene I like to watch. Dawn is a very welcome sight for those of us who often battle our way through the night, alone. Early one morning not long ago when I stepped out onto my deck to greet the dawn and watch the river, I was impressed by an ethereal view.


The temperature had dropped below the freezing mark the night before, so steam was rolling up from the water, creating a divinely inspirational scene, which I snapped with my Canon to share with you here.

I apologize for having been absent for so long during a difficult first-anniversary period I've endured recently. But here I am; I made it. The river is still running downhill -- full blast, at the moment -- the sun will come up again in the morning --- and I am going to be all right.

I have a number of things I still want to show you and tell you about on my blog. The ideas are all still intact, don't worry, they haven't burned dry in the big cast-iron pot on the back burner of what's left of my mind.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

The State of My Flucuating Frame of Mind


To all my "dear readers, as the great Ann Landers referred to her "followers," this is for those of you who also function as my mental-health caregivers. Since most of you've been with me from my blogging beginnings, you're aware that this is a critical phase in what professionals call my "grieving process."

So, let's start out by taking a look at a "glamour shot" of me from several years ago, when it was still considered (by whomever owned the photography outfit, at least) sexy for a woman to wear a ridiculous mass of annoyingly ticklish ostrich feathers dyed in phony bright colors, which was known as a "feather boa."

Anything wrapped around my neck described as a "boa" immediately strikes me as repulsive, but I allowed myself to be talked into it, along with, ugh, red lipstick.

You should be aware by now of my dim view of such stupid notions when it comes to popular feminine fashions in my mother's day. When I look at the offensively flashy absurdity adorning my unevenly tanned shoulders, then focus on my lame attempt at a "come hither" expression as I'd been instructed to do, I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry.

Maybe throwing up is a more accurate way to describe the impulse I most often feel when I look back at what it was like to be an attractive young woman from my now-enlightened but hopefully not jaded retrospective view.

Ever watched AMC's "Mad Men?" I was in on the tail end of that blatantly sexist era, and maybe sometime I'll tell you about being literally chased around his bedroom by a horrible boss I once had.

OK, then, let's move on to my next item:


Here's an illustration of how I imagine myself navigating the stormy high seas of emotions in my life this month. I'm hanging onto Him for dear life as I struggle to keep my head above water in a flood of sad memories that threatens to engulf me at times. This is my attempt to endure what I know is a difficult period for all survivors on every anniversary date of a great tragedy in their lives. 

Add to the turbulent swirl of days this May yet-another unavoidable and uncelebrated date: Yesterday was my 59th birthday. The combination of "celebration" with "birthday" is an oxymoron for a woman my age, whose bathroom is so over-stocked with anti-aging lotions and potions that one would think I own stock in the company that makes Oil of Olay -- or Oil of Old Lady, as my husband called it. 

My ambivalent feelings about my 59th birthday are similar to my tainted, feminist leanings toward the societal influences that shaped my mother's life and my own early days. Actually, I'm proud of making it this far and in such fairly good shape, considering how little effort I've put into living anything close to a "healthy lifestyle."

If I allowed myself to fall back into my former negative way of thinking, I'd be horrified now to be just one year away from the unbelievably ancient and dreaded six-oh, as in, "OMG, 60?" But, due to the power of positive thinking and a weird freak of nature I'm really getting into these days, my head's been rearranged and now I think of "unbelievably ancient" as 80, at least, or maybe more like 90!

Alright, let's wrap this up, so here's my final item for today:


This is a cropped portion of a very cool action shot of a big bird of prey trained by a handler in Mongolia published by (who else?) National Geographic. This bird's coming in for a landing rather than taking flight, but it's the best picture I've seen lately showing the incredible power these carnivorous hunters' huge wings. I share it now with you in reference to the bird story I posted last month about the bald eagle I saw on the evening of my husband's death.

I will always believe I wasn't just watching a startled big bird burst out of a nearby tree and take off in an impressively loud flapping of his powerful wings. I was blessed to also have been witnessing my husband's soul leave this earthly world as, in an awesome display of spiritual grace and strength, he rose up and flew out of sight on his journey to the Other Side.

And to any of you who may think that God has no sense of humor, I will now tell you that as I write this, there are so many mourning doves hooting and hollering outside my office window that I want to just furiously fling it open and yell, "ALL RIGHT, ALREADY!! I GOT IT! SO SHUT UP, WILL YA? I CAN'T EVEN THINK, YOU"RE MAKING SO MUCH NOISE!"